I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
