dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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