He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Still dying that you shit outside
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
