Got a toothbrush?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
