He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
