They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
