I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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