He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
