Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
