I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
