my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
