Me too!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Floor bacon is actually really good
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
