Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
