I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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