I just saw a hot homeless man
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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