Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
