i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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