I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
