i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
