I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
