I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
