I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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