I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
