According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
