My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
