did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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