It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
