I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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