Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
