conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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