Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
