this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
