where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
