Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
