is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
