update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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