After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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