we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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