Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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