i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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