Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
