you traded sex for a burrito?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
