normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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