pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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