A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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