3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
