that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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