Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
