Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
