I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
