A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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