You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
