Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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